An important part of my personal growth has been around the acceptance that, whilst as an introverted HSP I'm different to a lot of people in many ways, on the flip side, I'm also actually not that different….
It is very easy to fall into the trap of putting yourself in boxes, thinking you're good at "this", but not at "that", that you're naturally gifted when it comes to "this" but way off when it comes to "that". And even though you've heard a million statements that say things like "You can do whatever you put your mind to" and "Persistence pays off" and "Trust in the process", deep down there's this nagging doubt that's always there, saying that it isn't gonna happen for you, or that you're not capable, or that you are not destined for the sort of life you crave so desperately - that it's not meant for you, it doesn't happen to people like you, you don't "feel" it is possible for you.
For us, that word ‘feeling’ is an important one. As introverts and highly sensitive souls, we have this rich inner world which runs deep and, day-to-day, we feel stuff really deeply. So, guess what, if we have some nagging doubt in our mind, chances are that it will manifest itself as a strong feeling within us which can become overpowering and overwhelming. So it's a constant battle to carry on regardless and take some form of action, whatever that might be. (After all, any change only comes about when we take action, however big or small that might be - and taking action in the face of doubt and uncertainty and all those icky feelings - is pretty darn difficult).
Looking back, I've constantly compared myself to others - to those in real life, others who I've come across fleetingly, and especially folks I see online (whether it’s on Twitter, or running a blog or a podcast), and I automatically make an assumption about them and their capability and their perceived know-it-all-ness compared to my feeling of self-doubt and uncertainty and all that other stuff which absolutely everyone goes through, but which we don't see on that polished, curated surface. Phew, that was a long sentence.
All of us wear a certain mask or put on a front when we’re out in the world - whether it’s online or in real life - and this facade we show the whole world can be one that is very different to how we feel inside. I, for one, know that even when it feels like I'm completely being me and comfortable in the moment, I can later reflect on that interaction or situation and feel that I wasn’t competely being me, whether it was putting on more of a laugh than was needed, or just passively sitting there and not really saying completely what was on my mind.
In other words, that statement "Don't compare your insides to others' outsides" is one that is particularly poignant and relevant to us introverts and HSPs. Because we feel very deeply on the inside and so our internal emotions are very strong, and feel very separate to those facades of others that we see.
In other words, we feel what we feel on the inside very deeply, and so that self-doubt and uncertainty and all that other stuff can be quite intense, and very far-removed to what we perceive of others online who seem to be these amazing, confident, fully-functioning and thriving human beings (again - NOT the reality - repeat, not the reality!).
I haven't come across anyone in this world completely free of struggle or self-doubt or uncertainty. Those who don't admit it, I call bullsh*t. There are many a well-recognised name who have confessed about things like imposter syndrome and the struggle and their true feelings for me to constantly keep reminding myself that, yes I am a beautifully unique soul, and yet I am not so different from other human beings at the same time who feel the range of emotions and thoughts that I do.
And especially when you're trying to make a change, and it really matters to you, the stakes are high... that's when these feelings and emotions can hit us real hard.
It's a constant reminder for me as I listen to certain podcasts and read certain blogs, as someone who is trying to carve out a side-income with my writing, that those folks who I find inspiring also went through those rollercoaster-y woah-this-feels-crazy-and-will-it-ever-amount-to-anything?! crazy days.
And if each of us didn't go through that whirlwind of feelings and emotions, we wouldn't be human.
And, even more importantly, we wouldn’t be the introverted and sensitive souls that we are.
Yoda’s words of wisdom
Jedi human also is. Human outside deceitful can be. Inner turmoil hidden it is. Jedi alone in his or her experience, they are not.
Wednesday, 14th November 2018
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